I was just trying to emphasise that I was open to suggestions for
emendations, Judy, as I writ it fast, that's all, I haven't even
re-read it since I posted it, y'know, too many dotty distractions
going on.
Best
Dave
2008/12/9 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>:
> As some say over here, Dave: "No---thank *you!" ;-)
> The time it takes to write a spectacular poem-----doesn't matter. If we
> thought it did, well once again the Muse would fool us, tangle us in our
> urge to formula our art production, laughing at our serious measures and
> rabbit's feet.
>
> That said, a lovely Christmas dinner with a dear friend does seem catalytic.
>
> Best,
>
> Judy
>
>
>
> 2008/12/8 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
>
>> Oh Judy, thank you. I'm sure there are changes I could make to the
>> piece: I wrote it in as long as it took me to type it out as an e-mail
>> message, maybe five minutes. I just wanted to have a bit of fun with
>> language and whimsy.
>>
>> I've been having problems with poetry myself of late, but then it
>> suddenly wakes again in one, at two o'clock in the morning after a
>> doze following an early Christmas dinner with a friend in this case.
>>
>> Best
>>
>> Dave
>>
>> 2008/12/8 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>:
>> > Dave,
>> > A thing of beauty, poetry, poetry, oh I have missed reading poetry, but
>> you
>> > restart all my poetry synapses, thank God [or oneself if you're Patrick
>> the
>> > humanist].
>> > 'blotched fur'---yes!
>> >
>> > alliteration in alliteration: 'options of prods, probes' and a necessary
>> > not-allit 'questions'
>> >
>> > sight and sound allit in allit: 'eyes, ears and silence' intro'ed and
>> > concluded w played-'o's: 'droop' and 'told'
>> >
>> > 'furry' nights; 'blankets of together'
>> >
>> > more allits in allits: 'trudges' ... 'mud'; 'back-scratching, bad
>> breath'
>> > end-stopped with a pause and drumbeat: 'prose' [jazz syncopation]
>> >
>> > more allits in allits: 'dream' ... 'screaming' ['pot-plants']...
>> > 'creatures' ... 'remain wrapped'
>> >
>> > sweet shock of 'back-scratching, bad breath, prose'!!!!!! [again, jazz
>> > syncopation on the end drumbeat: BA ba ba, BA ba---BA! [I'll spare you
>> > notation in Judy's Metric System, tho really you must become an adept]
>> >
>> > Suggested change: Do you think this would fit; it seemed to work for me
>> > when I tried it: In 1st stanza, add 'us' at the end of the 3rd line;
>> then
>> > delete 'that' at beginning of the next line. There's a subtle diff in
>> > meaning with that change; not sure if the change'll destroy that meaning.
>> >
>> > Thanks for the hug of childhood and the laugh of grownhood!
>> >
>> > Judy
>> >
>> >
>> > 2008/12/7 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
>> >
>> >> There was sadness in the creatures, and blotched fur.
>> >> We considered the options of prods, probes, questions
>> >> but the droop of their eyes, ears and silence told
>> >> that we were the cause of their sorrow. How furry
>> >>
>> >> our nights had once been, what warm blankets
>> >> of together had once covered us, what intimacies
>> >> of teddy-bears and dolls had the world held
>> >> before the talk ceased to be imaginary
>> >>
>> >> and turned into financial reports, peer reviews,
>> >> collusions of hadrons, long trudges in the mud
>> >> of gossip, back-scratching, bad breath, prose.
>> >>
>> >> Once I woke from a dream of pot-plants screaming
>> >> as they died at their owners' hands: yet the creatures
>> >> remain, wrapped in their sadness, like shrouds.
>> >>
>> >> --
>> >> David Bircumshaw
>> >> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
>> >> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
>> >> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
>> >> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
>> >>
>> >
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> David Bircumshaw
>> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
>> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
>> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
>> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
>>
>
--
David Bircumshaw
Website and A Chide's Alphabet http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
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