Oh that is HILARIOUS!!!!! Really made me chuckle!! : )
jacquiline rice <[log in to unmask]>@JISCMAIL.AC.UK on 17/12/2008
16:42:07
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Subject: Re: [OCC-HEALTH] x-mas party - HR arrangements!
He he he, good one
Happy Christmas
Jacquie
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:23:28 +0000
From: [log in to unmask]
Subject: [OCC-HEALTH] x-mas party - HR arrangements!
To: [log in to unmask]
THE STAFF CHRISTMAS PARTY AS SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF HR
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director.
TO: All Employees
DATE: 1st November 2008
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't
be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree
will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of
gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 2nd November 2008
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA
Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed
now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and
Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE
ALLOWED.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2008
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home
in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed
to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will
have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay
men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross
dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food
will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in
the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food
first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant
cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2008
RE: The F******* Holiday Party.
Vegetarian p*****s I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put it,
you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know
tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard
them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The B*tch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: John, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9th November 2008
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and
I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management
has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John.
Merry christmas
Karen
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