I agree it works as images.
I think the cool tone could be maintained & a sense of passivity
dropped if the first line of the last verse were 'rain here this
morning'...(of course, youver already said it's the morning, so we
know that too, maybe just
rain here, wet leaves,
wet shingles on the roof
Doug
On 25-Nov-08, at 10:44 PM, robert e. watling jr. wrote:
> crows
>
> crows have chased away the songbirds
> in the morning I hear nothing
> later I hear nothing but crows
>
> outside, and below my window
> a wall seen only in winter
> then one morning a big white cat
>
> it is raining here this morning
> wet leaves, wet shingles on the roof
> wet cat sitting on the brick wall
Douglas Barbour
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http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
Latest books:
Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
Wednesdays'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
Art is always the replacement of indifference
by attention.
Guy Davenport
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