Alison,
If I may be forgiven for saying so, it is virtually unheard of for anyone to <<idly>> take up the translation of *Beowulf*--and you are one gutsy lady!
That said, I wish I could speak to the particulars of your translation, but both my copy of the standard Klaeber edition of the ms. and my A-S dictionary are still packed away from an earlier move. (I own no translations of the text since I threw Seamus Heany's travesty into the trash compactor.) But this first fitt approaches a fascinating theological moment in the poem, which I can comment on: the old pagan/Christian argument among *Beowulf* scholars that continues to this day in some quarters. Whether the Christian bits are scribal interpolations or originate with the poem's oral composer--or both, in a kind of cultural collusion--the fact is that God does not send Beowulf to save Heorot from Grendel (conveniently written off as the spawn of Cain), but rather Beowulf shows up in response to Hrothgar's despairing of his relatively new (singular, Christian) God and his reverting to the worship of the old pagan gods, from which religion
Grendel emerges. This results in a moment in the text when the narrative goes out of control, at least from the perspective of those few scholars left who still insist on its literate, Christian origins, as opposed to its being a transcription of an oral performance.
In any case, I'll be interested to see where you go with your translation and hope you will post more of it.
Cheers,
Candice
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