The detail is good, Andrew, but I think no rhythm is established, it's
a big problem in writing in contemporary English, we are always
invaded by the dominance of shambling prose, which is the basic
stumbling ham-fisted vernacular of contemporary written speech.
Best
Dave
2008/10/29 andrew burke <[log in to unmask]>:
> "Hey, watch this."
> We'd take out their legs first
> in the LMG group, then
> go for the body. Regular army
> left us to their devices
> on the range. They had
> made me sergeant because
> I could play drums. Logic
> escapes. Here we were,
> with our Owens, shooting off
> at the mouth and
> paradiddling the legs off
> targets in the secondary dunes.
>
> *
>
> "Got a Lucky Strike?"
> we sat at small desks
> in Junior School,
> flamming desktops,
> using inkwells as ashtrays.
> I drew some triplets
> and bars of 6/8 to
> look 'the real thing' should
> our regular officer saunter down
> to our practice room. I envied
> my friend: his mother
> a famous writer, his left hand
> more flexible than mine.
> He never wore his webbing
> right and his boots had
> last week's march on them.
> Now sixty something, he falls
> between pub
> and shack, town drunk in
> a fishing village, happy
> on his lonesome.
>
>
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
>
--
David Bircumshaw
Website and A Chide's Alphabet http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
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