Ha if you want it here, well....
What I meant, Judy, was that this time the images seemed to hang
together a bit more via a kind of narrative movement as I 'saw' it
which may have something to do with both reading the earlier version &
your comments on what you were doing.
Differing from both you & maybe Fred (not to mention many others) if I
get a line, then another may come along, & the language generates what
follows. I dont tend to 'think
of what I'm writing, & have to say that maybe I just dont 'have'
those 'deeply emotional, complex experiences,' so have to work with
whatever it is I do dis/cover.
Doug
On 7-Oct-08, at 8:13 AM, Judy Prince wrote:
> Hey, Doug, I'm looking for TOUGH criticism [ok, maybe not so tough
> <g>]:
> exactly what movement do you see here? I see various things and
> attitudes
> and 'conclusions', and the words keep making me work out what I feel
> and
> think. They seem to be challenging me to understand my own words
> and images
> further.
> Doesn't it happen to you, too, that you write a poem, seeming to
> capture
> your 'feel' of the moment---about deeply emotional, complex
> experiences.
> And as you revise, you come to understand your feelings and thoughts
> _more_----and often differently. A kind of self-understanding through
> writing and rewriting. Like keeping a journal.
>
> Thanks, Doug,
>
> Judy
>
>
> 2008/10/6 Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
>
>> Yeah, I 'see' the movement through.
>>
>> A sonnet, BTW, but not for purists I suppose....
>>
>> Doug
>> On 5-Oct-08, at 9:04 PM, Judy Prince wrote:
>>
>> Here's a revised version---not Sufi, not especially 'mystical', but
>>> perhaps
>>> more easily understood. Comments welcomed.
>>> Judy
>>>
>>> SIDELINED
>>>
>>
>> Douglas Barbour
>> [log in to unmask]
>>
>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>>
>> Latest books:
>> Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
>> Wednesdays'
>>
>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
>>
>> bleary with hashish at a ghazal dud show
>> in Kurdistan, soaring Muslim melodies
>> over a smoked-out Jamaican one drop
>>
>> Brian Francis Slattery
>>
>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
Latest books:
Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
Wednesdays'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
bleary with hashish at a ghazal dud show
in Kurdistan, soaring Muslim melodies
over a smoked-out Jamaican one drop
Brian Francis Slattery
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