----- Original Message -----
From: "M. Borges Accardi" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, July 12, 2008 4:10 PM
Subject: Re: another snap -- July 11, 02008
> Fredrick,
>
> Your opinion was well pointed, I thought.? Although I am not as articulate
> or focused of thought, I had the same feeling when I was reading the poem
> which describes a broken arm.?
>
> In my own work, I like to reveal the hidden. . . or bring out the less
> than obvious.? Here's a suggestion as to a direction the poet MAY want to
> take?? At least, for me, this is a direction I would take wth the topic.
>
> I am sure there are issues with my suggestions too!?
>
> For what it's worth, though.? Here's another way of possibly looking at
> things
>
> Cheers,
>
> Mill
>
>
>
Your version is a good start, but I don't think the poem should REPEAT.
("Quite young, I broke my arm.") Trauma suggests repetition; repetition is
how we work through (or fail to work through) trauma. If the poem doesn't
repeat, if it presents only the fact of the break, the cast, the saw, then
the poem would replicate the trauma - forcing the READER to work through
it - and that would be far more effective. I know that's abstract and
schematic but I've had a long day and am fixin' for to fade.
|