----- Original Message -----
From: "Janet Jackson" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, May 04, 2008 9:41 AM
Subject: Re: poem
I still want more space, more quiet in it.
It seems even more rushed now, straight from one thing to the next.
Janet
There's only one "thing" in the poem, the speaker's experience of
loneliness. The point is to make the reader have that experience, not watch
the speaker having it. Also, it's a painful experience. Painful
experiences are those we want to escape, or only reluctantly find ourselves
trapped in. The more meditative the poem is, the more it savors its
experience, the less the reader will believe the latter is painful. The
poem should register pain - enough for the reader to share - then get out.
General rule: anything that can be cut should be.
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