my lines are always up for comment -- and I welcome it.
I first said 'retract', which seems not quite right; went to 'rescind'
for the sound; and I agree -- still not quite right.
I will tinker further, and send again.
Thanks.
On Thu, Apr 3, 2008 at 5:49 AM, Martin Dolan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Hi Sharon
>
> I like this one. I'm still not sure whether snaps are up for comment -
> though I welcome them when I play - but: the 'rescinding' seems a little out
> of keeping to me (although I'm struggling to think of the right substitute).
> The first 'now' in the last stanza ('came to me /now'/) seems to undercut
> the 'Now, snow'.
>
> Regards
>
> Martin
>
>
>
> > Promises
> >
> > Spring is reluctant. She keeps
> > making promises, then rescinding
> > them. Snow. More snow. Snow
> > again. And you, so far . . .
> >
> > What would I want from you
> > if you came to me now?
> > To lie together, comforted
> > by feathers. To speak quietly
> >
> > into the long silence. if you
> > came to me now, I would lay out
> > the silk bedcover, the mirrored
> > cloth, the silver bowl. Now, snow.
> >
> >
> >
>
--
~ SB | http://www.sbpoet.com | =^..^=
|