Hi Andrew some thought from old codger here -do you need last two lines
-they seem better implied (to this old head) and I have trouble with first
line' hours' and 'ours'
We could do with some of that heat here could you email it please
Your umbelliferous Patrick
It did say 'Any thoughts are welcome'
I always welcome thoughts but sometimes they seem an endangered species
-----Original Message-----
From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of andrew burke
Sent: 06 March 2008 02:17
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: snap: hope and sandals revised
shuffling yours and hours
you come to a sudden cliff
hot autumn winds make nerves
jumpy and skin erupt
take the easy way out
and lie down or
walk to the letterbox
in hope and sandals
today's snail dries out
in the letterbox oven as
the driveway burns your feet
no news or cheques
no matter tonight
is the third episode of
that gangland series
just the ticket to
take your mind off
*
I did dabble with various other endings, but they all seemed contrived. It
always wanted to end 'take your mind off' which I like as a single line. Any
thoughts are welcome.
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
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08:35
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