Doug - try it without the thes (in both) ... 'lower reaches brown / across
valley slopes' and 'lines of light / (lines of flight)' ... Just a thought -
more your style, methinks.
Andrew
On 13/03/2008, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> two short takes in transit
>
> (i)
> the lower reaches brown
> across the valley slopes
> mushed mouldy snow
> still gleams uncertain
> among bare aspen trunks
>
> slowly the sun
> will burn the white away
>
> (ii)
> river valley darkening
> the lines of light
> (the lines of flight)
> overhead a black armada
> hovers against brittle
> blue fading
>
> to desire this allegory
> to know this only seen
>
> Edmonton Wednesday 12.III.08
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>
> Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
>
> to rid me of
> the ugh in
> thought
> i spell anew
> weave the world
> out of the or
> binary
>
> bpNichol
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
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