i wanted the first line to end on "Some" thus lengthening the line and
making it begin to mirror the bottom half more... longer beginning and
closing lines... shorter middle lines... i thought the shape more
important...
i also second Douglas... i really like the inev-/itable break... i think it
supports the word itself as well as the meaning of the larger phrase about
the tide... it should also reflect the greater thrust of the poem and it
does...
--
Bob Marcacci
Personally I'm always ready to learn, although
I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
> From: kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]>
> Reply-To: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics" <[log in to unmask]>
> Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2008 03:07:54 +0200
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Re: I know this doesn't scan, but...
>
> what, "most of" & "inev-"? I don't think so.
> and I think it's pointless to call something a sonnet if you're not
> going to utilise the structural rules which make the form powerful.
> the conceptual framework can be applied to anything, there's nothing
> that explicit conceptually that makes sonnets any different from other
> forms of poetry -- it's all about form, that's what I say. the lack of
> this utilisation is part of the reason why I don't always like Hal's
> takes on the form.
>
> the rhyme scheme I did notice though, good show there.
> and before someone says it, no I don't think it's shallow to focus on
> a form's technical nature. in rule-based forms like the sonnet, it's
> what holds its spirit together!
>
> KS
>
> On 22/01/2008, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>> nah, that's exactly what I like about it, & she was going for a rhyme,
>> kasper....
>>
>> Not sure exact pentameter is,um, necessary....
>>
>> Doug
>> On 22-Jan-08, at 10:38 AM, kasper salonen wrote:
>>
>>>
>>> the better idea is to just keep it as it is, just correcting weird
>>> enjambments like "inev- / itable" -- I don't know what you were going
>>> for there.
> We write on water, we poets. Most of
> us. Some write on sand, brief calligraphy
> for seagulls, shore-birds and the slow inev-
> itable tide. A few write to stain the sea,
>
> so intense, the color of their ink salts
> the words of their inheritors years
> beyond their own decline. It's not their fault
> that rules and ideologies emerge
>
> poem by innocent poem. Some writers
> strive to obscure the mysterious; some try
> to reveal the obvious. Some are rhymers;
> some are not. Some leap at the chance to fly.
>
> In hopes they will endure, some write their odes
> on stone. Stone is hard. But even stone erodes.
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