I think it works the way you set it up, Janet.
I wonder if you can dump the 'is' & 'are' in line 3?
Doug
On 23-Jan-08, at 6:29 AM, Janet Jackson wrote:
> Snapshot 23-01-2008
>
> When he phones, nine hours behind,
> I narrowcast news: I pruned the lime tree.
> The sky is windy. The children are happy
> but missing you. We saw a movie --
> 'The Water Horse'. Wonderful.
> You ought to see it. How're you doing?
>
> I don't say I rearranged the kitchen, moved his clock radio, found his
> hammer drill and put up some shelves -- or that the children tidied
> his
> workshop. Or that I haven't put one piece in the jigsaw we started
> before he
> left.
>
> ***
>
> Comments: the second stanza was originally in messy, heavily
> enjambed free
> verse, but I didn't like it and went for prose.
> For once this poem is literally true, except the lime tree... it was
> actually a lemon, two oranges and a mandarin.
> Janet
> --
> Janet Jackson
> [log in to unmask]
> www.proximity.webhop.net
> www.myspace.com/poetjj
>
Douglas Barbour
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http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
Nothing I'd read
prepared me for a body this unfair.
John Newlove
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