Sorry, I did not reply before, even if I wanted to. Let me rewrite:
I enjoyed the way you revised this version and I was reading it hoping it
would stay as [perfect as] it was till the end. There is something in the
final strophe that does not convince me, probably the last line but
hopefully it is only me.
It often happens to me that when I finally start reading a poem I like, I
feel that I am hoping it will stay like that till the end, that the Author
was able to make it (at my critical eyes) all the way through.
On 1/13/08, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> sound! I love the sound of this. Why did I not notice that before?
>
> On 1/13/08, Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > Thanks Anny (& Bob)
> >
> > How do you mean, "hoping it would stay as it was"?
> >
> > As for the final strophe, yes, that last line is a cliche, and the claim
> > that the flaneur exists only in pataphor is maybe a little silly.
> Possibly
> > it needs a bit more thought there.
> > Janet
> >
> > On 12/01/2008, Anny Ballardini <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > >
> > > I enjoyed the way you revised this version and I was reading it hoping
> > it
> > > would stay as it was till the end. There is something in the final
> > strophe
> > > that does not convince me, probably the last line but hopefully it is
> > only
> > > me.
> > >
> > > On Jan 12, 2008 8:03 AM, Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > >
> > > > Alien-eyed (Flaneur)
> > > >
> > > > So I will be your
> > > > flaneur, yes,
> > > > that's what I will be,
> > > > flanerie my technique
> > > > of touching your
> > > >
> > > > Flanerie, not flattery. I will
> > > > not paint -- I will photograph
> > > > your constructed
> > > > your concreted skin
> > > > your starred and lit / your
> > > > banner camera hair
> > > > your dirty ruined / your
> > > > crumble and birdshit
> > > >
> > > > This angular flapper frame will walk
> > > > its dancy walk all over your.
> > > > Observe my mannish
> > > > my collection of quirky
> > > > my faux fur and genuine leather / my
> > > > shoeshined, styled, alien-eyed / my
> > > >
> > > > Never actual/present, existing
> > > > only in pataphor, yet
> > > > coming to get you
> > > >
> > > > --
> > > > Janet Jackson
> > > > [log in to unmask]
> > > > www.proximity.webhop.net
> > > > www.myspace.com/poetjj
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > Anny Ballardini
> > > http://annyballardini.blogspot.com/
> > > http://www.fieralingue.it/modules.php?name=poetshome
> > > http://www.moriapoetry.com/ebooks.html
> > > I Tell You: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a
> dancing
> > > star!
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Janet Jackson
> > [log in to unmask]
> > www.proximity.webhop.net
> > www.myspace.com/poetjj
> >
>
>
>
> --
>
>
> ~ SB | http://www.sbpoet.com | =^..^=
>
--
Anny Ballardini
http://annyballardini.blogspot.com/
http://www.fieralingue.it/modules.php?name=poetshome
http://www.moriapoetry.com/ebooks.html
I Tell You: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing
star!
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