the personification of the ladybird (which word I prefer to the AmE.
'ladybug'!) as a middle-aged woman was delightful, but it feels to me
that along with the LOAM you brought in other clichés as well, or what
I perceive as such; burning/yearning, Eros growing old, and the
phoenix. they all lessened the effect of the power in the setup & in
the middle stanza, as did the obscure 'music' at the end, which had no
link or precedent within the poem & came off as shallow.
the tone was right on though, at least.
KS
On 01/01/2008, Larissa Shmailo <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>
> In a message dated 12/31/2007 11:59:19 PM Eastern Standard Time,
> [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> > [instead of "loam"] why not 'foam'?
>
> L licks, f spits
>
>
> Happy New Year, all! A female loam poem, foaming a bit.
> Excuse the artificial [break] inserts, I still don't know how to format
> stanza breaks for the list.
> Larissa
>
> Ladybug
> Ladybug, the autumnal, menopausal time is aflame,
> Burning with your yearning and desire: go home.
> No season of mists or mellow fruitfulness for you, only
> The hot flash of Eros dying, growing old.
> [break]
> Fall now, the deep loam envelopes your breasts,
> Dugs that hang low.The crimson leaves as
> Veined as your hands, varices red and blue,
> Glitter with last dew, the brilliance before death.
> [break]
> Can you, withered Phoenix, rise?
> Female over fifty, do you have your music too?
>
>
> Larissa Shmailo (http://myspace.com/larissaworld)
> "The poet, like the lover, is a menace on the assembly line."
> -Rollo May
>
> _http://_ (http://larissashmailo.blogspot.com/)
> _www.myspace.com/thenonetworld_ (http://www.myspace.com/thenonetworld)
> _http://larissashmailo.blogspot.com_ (http://larissashmailo.blogspot.com/)
>
>
>
>
>
>
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