In a message dated 1/2/2008 7:24:06 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
the personification of the ladybird (which word I prefer to the AmE.
'ladybug'!) as a middle-aged woman was delightful, but it feels to me
that along with the LOAM you brought in other clichés as well, or what
I perceive as such; burning/yearning, Eros growing old, and the
phoenix. they all lessened the effect of the power in the setup & in
the middle stanza, as did the obscure 'music' at the end, which had no
link or precedent within the poem & came off as shallow.
the tone was right on though, at least.
Dear KS,
The poem is a response to Keats, :To Autumn," the "music" is from that poem
and several lines are reworks of ot. And the ladybug is from the children's
ditty :ladybug, ladybug, fly away home, your house is on fire. Many of the
perceptions of female aging are cliches. But thanks for the read, and I'll look
again.
Best,
Larissa
Larissa Shmailo (http://myspace.com/larissaworld)
"The poet, like the lover, is a menace on the assembly line."
-Rollo May
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