I like it from 'Tang of fog', and think the first two abstract verses are
not necessary - are, in fact, sapping the strength of the real poem which
lies in the last two. Old 'less is more' is right on here.
Andrew
On 24/12/2007, Jon Corelis <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Turning
>
>
> The gold star weeps
> twelve silver tears
> one still unshed.
>
> Dawn's bow twangs
> in the doe's soft ear.
>
> Tang of fog
> tang of frost
> tang of blood.
>
> Three blonde crones
> peg the horizon
> of the chestnut hearth.
>
> --
> ===================================
>
> Jon Corelis www.geocities.com/joncpoetics/
>
> ===================================
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
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