The room is easy to see, with its smothering clutter.
I want to take out "domestic" from the first stanza and "domesticity" from
the last as they seem unnecessary abstractions.
As is often the case I want to alter the ending, break the rhythm a bit, end
with a slap. what about
slowly murdered by blankets
and all this. this
room with its old woman
and its four white walls
?
Janet
On 15/11/2007, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> [places]
>
> this room
> this cozy domestic room
> modeled on the victorian
> modeled on the english
>
> with its comfort and its ornament
> its signs and sighs of lives &
> loves in other lands
> the green and yellow paintings
>
> the landscapes the portraits
> the blue and white china
> the red country toile
> bone and silver and ivory
>
> under glass with tattered books
> books open on their bellies
> backs broken and worn in
> worn out
>
> the garden with its curves
> with its rocky beds
> sleeping now waiting
> for winter with its cold wind
>
> this room its french loveseat
> its fringed cushions its cats
> its lap dogs the round fish bowl
> awaiting a new fish a black
>
> goldfish perhaps a moore
> appropriately victorian
> appropriately modest &
> flamboyant at once this room
>
> with its bentwood boxes
> memorabilia of another
> people the people smothered
> slowly murdered by blankets
>
> and all this domesticity this
> room with its old woman
> its modern conveniences
> its four white walls
>
>
>
> --
>
>
> ~ SB | http://www.sbpoet.com | =^..^=
>
--
Janet Jackson
[log in to unmask]
www.proximity.webhop.net
www.myspace.com/poetjj
|