I see what you mean, Doug, but you wouldn't want to start three consecutive
lines with 'not' -- that would tend to undermine the vibe, I think, and not
helpfully. The ideal solution might be a single Chinese character for 'is
not the', if only we had one in English.
P
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Douglas Barbour
> Sent: 10 October 2007 15:21
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: poem "u-tao"
>
> I know it sounds like a broken record from me, Janet, but I'd remove
> all the 'is's except the ones in the first & final lines of those list
> stanzas. I think it would be sharper that way. Title works fine; better
> than trying to get it into the lines...
>
> Doug
> On 9-Oct-07, at 9:57 AM, Janet Jackson wrote:
>
> > Here's a work in progress.
> > Not sure about the title but want to mention the Tao somewhere.
> >
> > Janet
> >
> > u-tao
> > 2006,2007
> >
> > If your voice is not the taste of a dream in my mouth
> > is not the whisper of the child under my skin
> > is not the hopeful face at my door
> > is not the yin-yang windchime of heaven and hearth
> > then nothing is.
> >
> > Acting in accord with the times,
> > I respond as you respond: in art
> > and action.
> >
> > If your heartbeat is not the roar of a moon on a screen
> > is not the silence of a beast in a city
> > is not the jump of a jackhammer in an alley
> > is not the cry of overtouched stone
> > then nothing is.
> >
> > and incarnation.
> >
> > If your body is not a bridge and a shelter
> > is not the dawn sun drifting upriver
> > is not the sweat of leather and timber
> > is not the black eyes of black water
> > then nothing is.
> >
> > as you respond:
> >
> > The taste of a dream in my mouth.
> > The roar of a moon on a screen.
> > A bridge and a shelter.
> > -------------------------------------------
> > Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
> > www.myspace.com/poetjj
> > www.proximity.webhop.net
> > -------------------------------------------
> >
> >
> Douglas Barbour
> 11655 - 72 Avenue NW
> Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
> (780) 436 3320
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>
> Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
>
> and this is 'life' and we owe at least this much
> contemplation to our western fact: to Rise,
> Decline, Fall, to futility and larks,
> to the bright crustaceans of the oversky.
>
> Phyllis Webb
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