Yeah, a good idea, Barry & one other small change too....
On 4-Oct-07, at 8:28 AM, Barry Alpert wrote:
> Quite lovely, Doug. Though it took me a number of readings to work
> out the
> primary significance of "lead" and how it works syntactically in the
> stanza. I wonder whether inserting 2-3 additional spaces between
> "leaves"
> and "bronze & gold" might strengthen the visual syntax? Barry
>
>
> On Wed, 3 Oct 2007 10:12:15 -0600, Douglas Barbour
> <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> zero morning snap
>>
>> sun bright slant
>> on river lead on
>> leaves bronze & gold
>> stretched along the valley
>>
>> runners heavy breath
>> floats up white
>> behind them
>> pale moon
>> fading on the arras
>> blue
>>
>> Douglas Barbour
>
>
Douglas Barbour
11655 - 72 Avenue NW
Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
(780) 436 3320
http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
Friends make
the most of it
the more of it
quite enough.
Robert Creeley
|