I'd go for a little chop - make the four liners three.
Eg,
The dogs bark
at intruders.
Which anyone is.
I am deflated.
Vacant. Hollow.
Wordless.
A goldfinch sings
on the other side
of the window.
I open the sutters,
close them. Is there
another side
to this wall?
I am uninhabited.
Welcome.
Sorry, Sharon, sorry. I got carried away. Just some suggestions in
there, and I won;'t be able to access your response, so just to say I
liked it either way.
Andrew
On 27/09/2007, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> The dogs bark
> at intruders.
> Which everyone is.
> Which anyone is.
>
> I am deflated,
> empty even of air.
> Vacant. Hollow.
> Wordless.
>
> The sun shines
> the goldfinch sings
> on the other side
> of the window.
>
> I open the shutters,
> close them. What
> is on the other side
> of this wall?
>
> I am uninhabited.
> Come in.
>
> --
>
>
> ~ SB | http://www.sbpoet.com | =^..^=
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
|