Yes, Doug, that's the problem. My rough draft provided "up" & "underworld"
as possibilities for the first "u", with "urge" off to the side so that I
thought of it as a second outtake for the first "u" and completely forgot
about the need for a second line starting with "u". I suppose I could
revise the second stanza of "The Untouchable" to
underworld.
Now look up.
That role, too late,
open your eyes.
Urge
camera>>children of God.
Hell.
Are you here to visit?
Believe
love’s not allowed—it’s dangerous.
Exactly why are you here?
but I agree with you, it reads pretty well as originally posted.
Barry
On Thu, 20 Sep 2007 10:26:35 -0600, Douglas Barbour
<[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>oh dear, that second 'u' Barry.
>
>But it read so well, I didn't notice till now...
>
>Doug
>On 20-Sep-07, at 8:13 AM, Barry Alpert wrote:
>
>> Just detected a literal mistake in my realization of these texts.
>> Considering the amount of work I put in since beginning the process
>> Friday
>> evening (plus double-checking by my friend), I'm surprised I didn't
>> notice
>> it till now. "Passing" must be involved. Can you spot it? Barry
L’INTOUCHABLE
via Benoit Jacquot
Lost the other
I stay with,
nothing’s too late.
Thinking & feeling could be
of shooting behind
urge.
Can you know
he’s not here?
Are you here to visit?
But it might be
love . . . Not allowed: it’s dangerous.
Escape being untouchable.
THE UNTOUCHABLE
via Benoit Jacquot
Tell you (but don’t shout):
handle it.
Endless train ride. I remember
underworld.
Now look up.
That role, too late,
open your eyes.
Camera>>children of God.
Hell.
Are you here to visit?
Believe
love’s not allowed—it’s dangerous.
Exactly why are you here?
|