Oops...
I often elide the practice of hearing with the practice of reading, to
disastrous effect...
P
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Roger Day
> Sent: 16 August 2007 19:37
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: poem revised
>
> I guess there goes most of J.H.Prynne's oeuvre ... and this email
>
> On 8/16/07, Peter Cudmore <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > You don't want to send people to the dictionary in the first line...
they
> > won't be paying attention for the rest of it.
> >
> > P
> >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
On
> > > Behalf Of Patrick McManus
> > > Sent: 16 August 2007 09:11
> > > To: [log in to unmask]
> > > Subject: Re: poem revised
> > >
> > > Well I have trouble with the first line -surely we know what they
sound
> > like
> > > -could it not be more informal shorter like say just(he says
> > tentatively!!)
> > > cicadas trill
> > > (or what ever they do blast stridulate ??barrack? clamour?? ballyhoo??
> > > Cacophony?? Stridulating (like poets at a reading!!
> > > Cheers P
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
On
> > > Behalf Of andrew burke
> > > Sent: 16 August 2007 07:27
> > > To: [log in to unmask]
> > > Subject: poem revised
> > >
> > > After a number of drafts, and some suggestions from p'etcers, notably
> > > Max 'Cooee' Richards, I have revised my 'snap' poem, Changing the
> > > Sprinkler (including changing its title):
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Gibb River Evening
> > >
> > >
> > > In the shrill sound of cicadas
> > > I move the sprinkler
> > > pulling the hose over
> > > red rocky ground.
> > >
> > > Who drinks here
> > > beneath the evening sky
> > > with the lace silhouette
> > > of tall gums before
> > > the pink sky's edge?
> > > A straw-necked ibis
> > > wings away and quacks
> > > like a duck. Beneath
> > > ochre-red clay, amongst
> > > a complex syntax of roots,
> > > strongest of earth's creatures
> > > push and pull a way
> > > through thickest breath.
> > > Webbed eggs fill a dark cavity,
> > > a thick-bellied vein worms
> > > by a deep chamber.
> > >
> > > I turn my ear to
> > > a chortle, a choking sound
> > > below the cicadas -
> > > once, then nothing.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > Andrew
> > > http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> > > http://www.inblogs.net/hispirits
> > > http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > No virus found in this incoming message.
> > > Checked by AVG Free Edition.
> > > Version: 7.5.476 / Virus Database: 269.11.19/953 - Release Date:
> > 14/08/2007
> > > 17:19
> >
>
>
> --
> My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
> "In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons."
> Roman Proverb
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