I like it, & started singing the first line, Andrew...
you're really getting into the close observation thing....
But I think I'd drop 'plaintively'...?
Doug
On 12-Aug-07, at 10:03 PM, andrew burke wrote:
> GIBB RIVER YACHT CLUB
>
>
>
>
>
> Blue sails in the backyard
> the fitted sheet billows
> like a spinnaker
> and the clothesline turns
> on its centreplate
>
>
> I daydream of
> an afternoon sailing
> on the Swan River
> and the cool of
> a yacht club bar
>
>
> Like shags off pylons
> two ibis fly off fence posts
> as a thirsty cow in
> the sun-dried paddock
> complains plaintively
>
>
> Black crows all tell her
> there's no barman here
> to serve a cold one
> this mob all gone
> to Derby Rodeo
>
>
> … as I shake my head
> and unpeg the washing
> my wife's black knickers
> start another line of thought
>
>
>
> All citicisms welcome.
>
>
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> http://www.inblogs.net/hispirits
> http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
>
>
Douglas Barbour
11655 - 72 Avenue NW
Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
(780) 436 3320
http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
There must be five hundred signed copies
for particular friends; six for the general
public; and one for America.
Oscar Wilde
|