WHY cicada? those fucking cicadas. Bukowski has it right in a poem of his.
I feel like certain phrases, like "syntax of roots" & "sings a coda to
the day", are out of place. this piece is not very dynamic, it's
static & descriptive alone. plus you have sing/sings in the last
stanza.
but many of the images here I enjoyed. I just get the feeling that it
all lacks a bit of nonchalant finesse. it's rather too conscious for
something this normal
KS
On 15/08/07, andrew burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> In the searing sound of cicadas
> I change the sprinkler
> by pulling the hose over
> red rocky ground.
>
> Who drinks here
> beneath the evening sky
> with the lace silhouette
> of tall gums before the pink
>
> of sky's edge? One ibis
> wings away and quacks
> like a duck. Beneath
> the red clay surface,
>
> among a syntax of roots,
> strongest of earth's creatures
> push and pull a way
> through thickest breath.
>
> Eggs fill a dark cavity.
> A thick bellied vein worms
> by a deep chamber, its
> earth a mound above.
>
> Cicadas sing over
> the darkening land as
> the last lilt of bird song
> sings a coda to the day.
>
>
>
>
> All criticisms welcome.
>
>
>
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> http://www.inblogs.net/hispirits
> http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
>
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