You have probably all seen this (some of it rings a distant bell with me, I
think)
The State of the NHS explained:
1] Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.
Both subsequently died in the ambulance and the PCT set up an enquiry,
which came to the following conclusions:
1. The 50 mile journey to the nearest casualty department was in the
couples' best interests.
2. The fact that there was no local bed in which Jack could mend his
head was unfortunate but no targets had been breached and he had been
offered a choice.
3. The lack of vinegar and brown paper was not material to the man's
death as NICE had not yet decided whether it was cost-effective and in
any case both the brown paper nurse and the vinegar nurse were away on
courses.
4. The GP was most to blame and should be suspended and referred to
the GMC as he had:
a. Not reported Jack and Jill's lack of water to social services;
b. Failed to recognise that anyone going UP the hill to fetch a pail
of water must be seriously demented;
c. Had not involved the Falls Coordinator which resulted in Jill
tumbling after Jack.
2] Dr Foster went to Gloucester in a shower of rain He stepped in a
puddle right up to his middle and never went there again. This also
resulted in major public debate.
The Press said it was outrageous that - given the fact that doctors
were paid around half a million pounds for a 30 hour week - Dr. Foster
should be put off by a mere soaking.
The politicians wanted to know why any doctors were going to
Gloucester in the first place as it was an over-doctored middle class
area unlikely to vote Labour at the next election.
The RCN said doctors weren't needed as nurses could do their job just
as well, they were holistically trained and would have no problem with
puddles as they could also walk on water.
The local nurse practitioners agreed that they would of course go to
Gloucester after doing the appropriate course.
The Social workers said that no one had considered how the puddle
might feel about being trodden into.
The managers decided to do a piece of work around rain and puddles.
The next time there was a problem in Gloucester it coincided with a
large multidisciplinary stake holder conference and no one was available
so NHS Direct advised calling the GP.
3] Once upon a time it was resolved to have a boat race between a BUPA
team and a team representing the N.H.S. Both teams practised long and
hard to reach their peak performance. On the big day they were as ready
as they could be.
The BUPA team won by a mile.
Afterwards the N.H.S. team became very discouraged by the result and
morale sagged. Senior management decided that the reason for the
crushing defeat had to be found, and a working party was set up to
investigate the problem and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was that the BUPA team had eight people rowing and
one person steering, whereas the N.H.S. team had eight people steering
and one person rowing.
Senior management immediately hired a consultancy company to do a
study on the team's structure. Thousands of pounds and several months
later they concluded that: "Too many people were steering and not enough
rowing."
To prevent losing to BUPA the next year, the team structure was
changed to three "Assistant Steering Managers", three "Steering
Managers", one "Executive Steering Manager" and a "Director of Steering
Services". A performance and appraisal system was set up to give the
person rowing the boat more incentive to work harder.
The next year BUPA won by two miles.
Following this, the N.H.S. laid off the rower for poor performance,
sold off all the paddles, cancelled all capital investment in new
equipment, and halted development of a new canoe. The money saved was
used to fund higher than average pay awards to senior management.
--
Jel
Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends, just tell me where I
can find some more wax! _______________________
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