Yes, much better, and , yes, still more to strip away. Save a version,
then go to town on it, cutting out anything that seems like deadwood -
whole verses, complete lines, etc. (Always cut out 'etc.' - a leech
word if ever ...)
Andrew
On 21/08/07, Joseph Duemer <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I like this. It is a real poem, not just messing around. Someone suggested
> that you strip the earlier draft bare. Forgive me, but I'd strip this draft
> down a bit further:
>
> The Sticks and Stones
>
> Her feet on the sill
> she thinks of names for her knees
> and mouths them onto the glass.
>
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