Jon this is really fantastic! I don't know what fancy or fancies of
mine this tickled, but I enjoyed this hugely. the rhythm, for one, is
flawless & simple which fits the pirate theme (with connotations of
ditties & rude, limerick-esque songs), & the repeated refrain is also
interestingly typical; but many of the word choices, & the way they
enliven & en-sombre-ise the tone is really what gets me. "rudderless
ship", "with her sails in rags", "and the shantyman chokes / and
wheezes and croaks", "their black lips grin", "steers by the fog",
"his sockets scan the sea", "No land in view!". all peaches.
the diction also reinforces the cyclicality & the mad-jolly
hopelessness of the cursed crew. it's a 'frivolous' poem really, just
a ghost story, but it works very well indeed
KS
On 04/07/07, Jon Corelis <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> The Ship of the Dead
>
> O who will sing that rudderless ship
> that has lost her destiny?
> With her sails in rags
> and her lines in snags,
> -- the Ship of the Dead is free!
>
> The captain lies in a coma,
> his hands clutch helplessly,
> and the shantyman chokes
> and wheezes and croaks,
> -- the Ship of the Dead is free!
>
> The crew are extinct and jolly,
> they gnaw themselves hungrily,
> and their black lips grin
> as the rigor sets in,
> -- the Ship of the Dead is free!
>
> The pilot has smashed the compass,
> and tramples the sextant in glee,
> he erases the log
> and steers by the fog,
> -- the Ship of the Dead is free!
>
> O the skeleton climbs the rigging,
> his sockets scan the sea,
> and he cries to the crew:
> No land in view!
> -- the Ship of the Dead is free!
>
> --
> ===================================
>
> Jon Corelis www.geocities.com/jgcorelis/
>
> ===================================
>
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