I liked it better before - which wasn't that much to be honest.
It is less selfconscious now and "Ngallagunda boy" is an improvement,
but the tone has become halting and unnatural.
There are too many line breaks.
Also, a hundred bulls sounds an awful lot!
Usually you have only a few bulls and hundreds of cows.
Spelling correction: wield, not weild.
Janet
> on a stockyard fence
> a black crow steps
> gingerly toward
> a chirping chittering
> willy-wagtail
> whose lifelong mate
> skips and hops
> in the waterfall
> of a sprinkler set
> to settle the dust.
>
> a five year old
> Ngallagunda boy
> weilds a whip
> shortened for him -
> still he makes it crack
> lightning and thunder
> among the dust of
> a hundred bulls.
>
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Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
Poems at Proximity: www dot proximity dot webhop dot net
My life is like a movie
that everyone but me has seen
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