> Interesting, Janet, but for me it does get a bit to prosaic, too
> sentence-involved, in 4, 5, 6, as you felt. The problem of how much of
> that info you need to put in the poem....
Yes, sententiousness... struggling against compression,
and the four-stress lines I've adopted for that part of the poem...
Maybe it would be better to actually break into conventional prose.
Some people have complained that it loses the lyrical feeling
at that point but I think it needs to.
I can't go on in that awed tone for 100 lines -- the reader's
eyes are going to glaze over.
And I'm sure the people who hung washing and
shot arrows weren't awed. Probably not the people who
took off the roofs, either.
This is really helping me get my head round it.
Thanks guys.
Janet
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Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
Poems at Proximity: www dot proximity dot webhop dot net
Life's a jigsaw puzzle...
Some do it in reverse
They take a pretty picture
And make it all diverse
...Michael Leunig
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