Thanks for the detailed comments Kasper.
I've printed them out ready to consider during my next editing session.
and I learnt a new word too! ('paratactic')
Janet
> breezing through:
>
> st6; ll.4-5 break the mood a bit, which has been established well by
> the paratactic listing.
> st10; "quite a story" does the same, probably because of the way it's
> introduced, independently after the comma. I suggest removing it:
...
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Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
Poems at Proximity: www dot proximity dot webhop dot net
Life's a jigsaw puzzle...
Some do it in reverse
They take a pretty picture
And make it all diverse
...Michael Leunig
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