----- Original Message -----
From: "Douglas Barbour" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, June 28, 2007 1:20 PM
Subject: delayed SNAP
> World full of trouble
> but Planet keeps on
>
> keeping small things
> bird on a wire cheeping
> in bright sun lit
>
> & in their nest upon the hydro
> pole eaglets squall
> hidden still
> grey mother hovering
>
> male's aloof white head
> impervious to cries & traffic noise
> gazing out upon the river
> bridge fields the small
> running food to come
>
> (Grand River, Cambridge Ontario)
>
I like this a lot, Doug. Fast rhythm / alliteration in stanza 3, w/ "small"
in last stanza picking up "squall." If I may make 2 suggestions: you don't
need "lit" in st. 2; and in 4, "aloof" = "impervious": how about simply "the
male's white head"? The distinction "World"/"Planet" very nicely poses,
opens the door on, what follows.
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