I like formal poems that break their own rules (for
the sake of surprise, if nothing else). The first
stanza of your sonnet is particularly strong, it seems
to me, and it gains intensity from the changes you
ring on the form. I'm reminded of Marilyn Hacker's
work, especially her earlier poems such as those in
_Presentation Piece_.
Anyway,I think you should continue to experiment --
and take only the advice that seems empathic with your
own style (like Tad's, e.g.).
Candice
--- Laura Heidy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> In a message dated 5/27/2007 4:09:38 P.M. Eastern
> Daylight Time,
> [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> Dude, you could at least ask her *why she switched
> metre. Who knows?
> Laura may have an answer mapped out.
>
> Ah, that's how people are taught to be boring.
> Always wondered.
>
>
>
> Not "boring" and the questions would not have been
> answerable even if they
> had been asked. Unfortunately, I write poetry by
> the seat of my pants and by
> the sounds in my head and I could no more tell you
> why I sometimes choose to
> add an extra foot or subtract a beat than I could
> tell you why domestic
> turkeys have wings but cannot fly. Because they
> don't need to, I suppose. It's
> not that I'm unaware that I'm doing it - or even
> that I'm unaware that it's
> somehow "wrong" of me to do so - it's just that
> sometimes I want them there
> whether they're technically correct or not.
> Sometimes I'll use them because
> they deliberately slow a reader down or sometimes
> because they deliberately
> speed a reader up and because of that, I find it
> one more useful tool in the
> shed. In this case, I believe Tad was right and I
> was wrong. Instead of being
> helpful the extra feet were bogging things down.
> I'd already taken more
> than a few liberties with the "sonnet" form (such as
> adding two extra lines)
> and I'd played hell with a made-up rhyme scheme and
> that was more than enough
> for one almost-sonnet to handle. Adding to the
> meter or subtracting from it
> is "ok" when you haven't changed much else. If
> nothing else, I consider it a
> sort of "signature" variation on form. This,
> though, this was too much. I
> actually like the revision with Tad's suggestions
> much better -- and coming
> from a stubborn ole wench, that's high praise. :)
>
> Lo
>
>
>
>
>
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>
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