Source:
http://education.independent.co.uk/graduate_options/article2440088.ece
Why writing a PhD is still a life-changing personal journey
By Lucy Russell
Published: 12 April 2007
Can you write a PhD without going mad? As a secondary-school teacher, I
couldn't wait for a break from the classroom and some time of my own. I had
been warned that doing a PhD would be lonely, but I hadn't understood what
that meant. Working from home was so appealing. No bell every 50 minutes to
tell me to start doing something new. I could set my own timetable. But
after days in my flat reading and writing, with no one to talk to, I began
to doubt my sanity.
I did my PhD in teaching the Holocaust in school history at Goldsmiths,
University of London, so that meant a lot of time on my own reading. Along
with feelings of loneliness and isolation came guilt and crippling
self-doubt. I felt guilty about not going to work like everybody else.
Wouldn't I be better off in the classroom? Couldn't I make more of a
difference as a teacher?
I felt unworthy of the academy, a feeling not helped by one academic I met
who told me he "couldn't talk the language" with me because I hadn't got an
MA. Maybe he was right. The books and journal articles I was reading were so
well-written. Would I ever be able to write like that? Even if I could,
would anyone read it? Would my research make any difference? Was it all a
pointless waste of time? What was the point of anything? Everything became a
question. There were no absolutes - nothing to rely on. The only structure
to my day was imposed by me. Some days, my only motivation to get showered
and dressed was going to the supermarket.
Food plays an important part in the life of a PhD student: there was
apparently no such thing as truth, and there were days when I questioned my
very existence as I waded through books on theory and philosophy. The fact
that I felt hungry and needed to eat was reassuring. It meant that I must be
alive.
I was never one for eating sweets before I began my PhD. But after one
tutorial, I remember sitting at the train station and eating a bag of jelly
babies. It helped. And, when it came to the writing up, I found dolly
mixtures were a comfort while I stared at my computer screen.
Life outside the classroom took getting used to. But once I had readjusted,
I felt liberated. A PhD is an incredible personal journey. For the first
time, I had the opportunity to think and question. There were challenges,
but I began to realise that I didn't need to be lonely. I only thought that
I lacked shared experience. Although it didn't happen often, it was great to
get together with other PhD students. But the main thing was realising that
there were others out there in the same position.
One thing to bear in mind as the self-doubt creeps in is that everybody who
has done a PhD has felt the same. The students who appear to be
super-confident and tell you they wrote a chapter of their thesis before
breakfast are either lying (because they need to talk up their work to cover
up their own feelings of inadequacy), or their supervisor will be telling
them to rewrite it.
Practising writing, particularly if you have been out of academia for a
while, is a good idea. Books and journal articles are polished versions that
their authors have drafted and redrafted. No one writes a first draft that
looks like the published work. Besides, you don't really write a PhD. You
construct it. A PhD is evidence that a candidate is capable of designing and
completing research good enough to earn them an academic post. At the viva -
which is a bit like a trial - you present and defend this evidence.
A PhD is unlike any other qualification. It requires more than reading,
doing coursework and attending lectures. A PhD relies on candidates' insight
and inspiration. You will probably go - at least temporarily - mad in the
process. But if you have the opportunity, stock up on the jelly babies and
dolly mixtures and go for it. It is a life-changing experience.
The writer teaches at Goldsmiths. Her book 'Teaching the Holocaust in School
History: Teachers or Preachers?' is out now, published by Continuum. Dr Lucy
Russell is currently writing another book for potential PhD students and
would like to talk to people who have a PhD about why they embarked on the
qualification and what they wish they had been told before they started. How
was their relationship with their supervisor? How was their viva? e-mail
drlucy.russell@ virgin.net. Names can be changed. A charitable contribution
from the sale of this book will go to Oxfam International's Education Now
campaign
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--
Salvatore Scifo
Communications,
MeCCSA Postgraduate Network
Communication and Media Research Institute
School of Media, Arts & Design
University of Westminster
Watford Road, Northwick Park
Harrow
HA1 3TP
MeCCSA Postgraduate Network
http://www.meccsa.org.uk/pgn/
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