Thanks for the suggestions, Andrew. As usual,
all is subject to change, as are we all.
Hal
"Go ahead and look for God, but
tie up your camel first."
--Sufi proverb
Halvard Johnson
================
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On Apr 18, 2007, at 6:14 PM, andrew burke wrote:
> Thanks for this Hal, it really shifts between registers and keeps the
> language alive. I particularly liked the layers of entertainment and
> meaning in the matriach's dyeing, reverberations that ripple in and
> out - an image doing a lot of work. Perhaps this is the only point I
> have against the first verse: it uses thin layers of academic-style
> diction to say what it means. A much more dynamic start would be the
> 'Not that he was scared to fly' line. I know it is a sonnet and
> therefore needs another 4 line verse, but maybe it could come between
> gthe existing second and third.
>
> Just my tuppence worth. 'Take what you like and leave the rest.'
>
> Andrew
>
> On 19/04/07, Halvard Johnson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>> Sonnet: Unseasonable Facsimiles
>>
>> So deeply buried within the culture, these twins,
>> these eyes that each mirror images of the other.
>> Cult classics from the 60s reinforce our ideations,
>> encouraging, if not requiring, some sort of closure.
>>
>> Not that he was scared to fly. He'd done it before,
>> a thousand times, earbuds hidden. Toxic chipsets
>> scattered all around, landmines for the rummagers,
>> pomo replicators, even in plastic suits and gloves.
>>
>> Copiers coping with rivers of information, always
>> reminding the family matriarch of her roots that
>> need dyeing. A pair of Roombas roaming around,
>> impossible to tell one from the other. Expansionist
>>
>> sentiments, left on the livingroom davenport, slip
>> down behind cushions, pocket change for the ages.
>>
>>
>>
>> Hal
>>
>> Halvard Johnson
>> ================
>> [log in to unmask]
>> [log in to unmask]
>> http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard
>> http://entropyandme.blogspot.com
>> http://imageswithoutwords.blogspot.com
>> http://www.hamiltonstone.org
>>
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> http://www.inblogs.net/hispirits
> http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
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