Thanks for this Hal, it really shifts between registers and keeps the
language alive. I particularly liked the layers of entertainment and
meaning in the matriach's dyeing, reverberations that ripple in and
out - an image doing a lot of work. Perhaps this is the only point I
have against the first verse: it uses thin layers of academic-style
diction to say what it means. A much more dynamic start would be the
'Not that he was scared to fly' line. I know it is a sonnet and
therefore needs another 4 line verse, but maybe it could come between
gthe existing second and third.
Just my tuppence worth. 'Take what you like and leave the rest.'
Andrew
On 19/04/07, Halvard Johnson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Sonnet: Unseasonable Facsimiles
>
> So deeply buried within the culture, these twins,
> these eyes that each mirror images of the other.
> Cult classics from the 60s reinforce our ideations,
> encouraging, if not requiring, some sort of closure.
>
> Not that he was scared to fly. He'd done it before,
> a thousand times, earbuds hidden. Toxic chipsets
> scattered all around, landmines for the rummagers,
> pomo replicators, even in plastic suits and gloves.
>
> Copiers coping with rivers of information, always
> reminding the family matriarch of her roots that
> need dyeing. A pair of Roombas roaming around,
> impossible to tell one from the other. Expansionist
>
> sentiments, left on the livingroom davenport, slip
> down behind cushions, pocket change for the ages.
>
>
>
> Hal
>
> Halvard Johnson
> ================
> [log in to unmask]
> [log in to unmask]
> http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard
> http://entropyandme.blogspot.com
> http://imageswithoutwords.blogspot.com
> http://www.hamiltonstone.org
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
http://www.inblogs.net/hispirits
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