One possibility that occurs to me is to use the Plath
line (or two) as an epigraph and thereby acknowledge
the similarity and make it work for you by way of the
"air"/"wear" rhyme that would then frame the poem.
That way you point up the relationship of your
poem/line to Plath's, but without altering your own
poem/line to allude to Plath's. Would that do? (To
tell you the truth, though, I really don't think your
echo of the Plath line is plagiarism. It certainly
didn't occur to me, even as an echo, when I read your
stunning last line. Now I think you might want to make
the slight allusion a framing rhyme for the poem as a
whole.) Hope this is helpful--
Candice
--- Caleb Cluff <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thank you everyone for your considered, deep
> replies, and Doug's
> generous rewrite. But now I have an enormous
> problem, per Kasper's
> reading and Candice's attention. That is, I
> recognise that the final
> line
>
> 'I will give you my last skin to wear, to wear, to
> wear.'
>
> is altogether too close to Plath's
>
> 'and live in Majorca on air, on air.'
>
> for my liking. It may be a subconscious allusion, as
> I haven't read the
> poem (the title escapes me) or indeed Plath, for a
> very long time. But
> as soon as the seed was planted, I knew I'd
> plagiarised the rhythm.
>
> Comments? It makes me feel so disappointed, as I
> thought the work had
> some directions for me to work toward, and now? It
> feels not entirely
> mine.
>
> Caleb
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics
> [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of andrew burke
> Sent: Thursday, 12 April 2007 9:06 AM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Snap - The Spider
>
> Wow, I liked the poem, yes, but I qalso like the
> enthusiasm shown by
> other members. A great list of listeners!
>
> Andrew
>
> On 12/04/07, Stephen Vincent <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> > The spider is sudden, like a vowel.
> >
> > Maybe part of the 'frisson' here is that "vowels"
> normally do not
> speed
> > things up (as in "sudden") but, more often than
> not, slow down and
> pace the
> > stream of consonants. So there might be a lovely -
> sleight of hand -
> > contradiction that you have managed to employ,
> Caleb. Thought the "e"
> in
> > your name is pretty quick in comparison to the "a"
> - a "sudden"
> realization,
> > I see!
> >
> > Stephen V
> > http://stephenvincent.net/blog/
> >
> >
> >
> > > Totally agree with Stephen Caleb: what an
> opening line.
> > >
> > > And the ongoing perceptual understanding...
> > >
> > > Doug
> > > On 10-Apr-07, at 10:54 PM, Stephen Vincent
> wrote:
> > >
> > >> The spider is sudden, like a vowel.
> > >>
> > >> That alone is a great line, Caleb!
> > >> I have met the spider and I have met the vowel
> > >> but to get together at the same time
> > >> Rips!
> > >>
> > >> Stephen V
> > >> http://stephenvincent.net/blog/
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > > Douglas Barbour
> > > 11655 - 72 Avenue NW
> > > Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
> > > (780) 436 3320
> > > http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> > >
> > > Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E
> Murphy)
> > >
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
> > >
> > >
> > > lipsynching awe all the way to the grave of the
> unknown onus:
> > > memory stutter; one smidgen, one scantling of
> thank.
> > >
> > > Dennis Lee
> >
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> http://www.inblogs.net/hispirits
> http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
>
>
>
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