"These people" are offering help (as they/we assume
from the posted poems is what's wanted). Who can draw
the line between more and less help? In any case, a
polite thank you seems indicated.
Candice
--- Patrick Mc Manus <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> Roger These people who are cursed with wanting to
> rewrite other peoples
> snaps!!!!!! Ban them that's what I say :-)
> Patrick de raynes park
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics
> [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Roger Day
> Sent: 08 April 2007 17:37
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: snapshot -- revision
>
> how about this?
>
> Stepping into the morning
> waxwing symphonies and crow concertos
> air shivering, air trembling
> sandman cacophony crowding out the daylight
> ... why do we enter the future
> with the past in our deep night pockets
>
> although you may not want to go that far ...
>
> On 4/6/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > thank you all for your critiques on this piece.
> here is a revision, which
> i
> > think is an improvement. i agree with andrew that
> it would be good to take
> > the "I" from the first line, but can't see a way
> just yet:
> >
> >
> > I stepped from my house this morning,
> > head crowded with voices from dreams,
> > into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
> > of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> > of crows ... Why do we enter the future
> > with the past in our night pockets? Trees
> > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
> > drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> > into pale water. At dusk the mountains
> > were scarved with mist.
> >
> >
> >
> > On 4/4/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> > >
> > > I stepped from my house this morning,
> > > head crowded with voices from dreams,
> > > into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
> > > of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> > > of crows ... Why do we enter the future
> > > with the past in our night pockets? Trees
> > > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
> > > drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> > > up into pale water, reacquainting themselves
> > > with the surface. The day passed slowly.
> > > At dusk the mountains were scarved with mist.
> > >
> > > <http://www.sbpoet.com>
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > ~ SB =^..^=
> >
> > http://www.sbpoet.com
> >
>
>
> --
> My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
> "Patriotism is a virtue of the vicious." Oscar Wilde
>
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