I second that notion.
Hal
"No passion in the world is equal to
the passion to alter someone else's draft."
--H. G. Wells
Halvard Johnson
================
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On Apr 9, 2007, at 1:48 AM, Patrick Mc Manus wrote:
> Roger These people who are cursed with wanting to rewrite other
> peoples
> snaps!!!!!! Ban them that's what I say :-)
> Patrick de raynes park
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics
> [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Roger Day
> Sent: 08 April 2007 17:37
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: snapshot -- revision
>
> how about this?
>
> Stepping into the morning
> waxwing symphonies and crow concertos
> air shivering, air trembling
> sandman cacophony crowding out the daylight
> ... why do we enter the future
> with the past in our deep night pockets
>
> although you may not want to go that far ...
>
> On 4/6/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>> thank you all for your critiques on this piece. here is a
>> revision, which
> i
>> think is an improvement. i agree with andrew that it would be good
>> to take
>> the "I" from the first line, but can't see a way just yet:
>>
>>
>> I stepped from my house this morning,
>> head crowded with voices from dreams,
>> into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
>> of waxwings and robins, a percussion
>> of crows ... Why do we enter the future
>> with the past in our night pockets? Trees
>> shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
>> drifted from the pond's dark bottom
>> into pale water. At dusk the mountains
>> were scarved with mist.
>>
>>
>>
>> On 4/4/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>> I stepped from my house this morning,
>>> head crowded with voices from dreams,
>>> into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
>>> of waxwings and robins, a percussion
>>> of crows ... Why do we enter the future
>>> with the past in our night pockets? Trees
>>> shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
>>> drifted from the pond's dark bottom
>>> up into pale water, reacquainting themselves
>>> with the surface. The day passed slowly.
>>> At dusk the mountains were scarved with mist.
>>>
>>> <http://www.sbpoet.com>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> ~ SB =^..^=
>>
>> http://www.sbpoet.com
>>
>
>
> --
> My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
> "Patriotism is a virtue of the vicious." Oscar Wilde
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