duh, I know that. I was just trying to *show the way the syntax seemed
to be going without the "I" avoiding *telling. Handwaving is a lot
harder ...
On 4/8/07, Anny Ballardini <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I agree with Sharon.
>
> On 4/8/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > nice poem, roger.
> >
> > but it's not mine.
> >
> > On 4/8/07, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > >
> > > how about this?
> > >
> > > Stepping into the morning
> > > waxwing symphonies and crow concertos
> > > air shivering, air trembling
> > > sandman cacophony crowding out the daylight
> > > ... why do we enter the future
> > > with the past in our deep night pockets
> > >
> > > although you may not want to go that far ...
> > >
> > > On 4/6/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > > > thank you all for your critiques on this piece. here is a revision,
> > > which i
> > > > think is an improvement. i agree with andrew that it would be good to
> > > take
> > > > the "I" from the first line, but can't see a way just yet:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I stepped from my house this morning,
> > > > head crowded with voices from dreams,
> > > > into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
> > > > of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> > > > of crows ... Why do we enter the future
> > > > with the past in our night pockets? Trees
> > > > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
> > > > drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> > > > into pale water. At dusk the mountains
> > > > were scarved with mist.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > On 4/4/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > I stepped from my house this morning,
> > > > > head crowded with voices from dreams,
> > > > > into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
> > > > > of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> > > > > of crows ... Why do we enter the future
> > > > > with the past in our night pockets? Trees
> > > > > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
> > > > > drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> > > > > up into pale water, reacquainting themselves
> > > > > with the surface. The day passed slowly.
> > > > > At dusk the mountains were scarved with mist.
> > > > >
> > > > > <http://www.sbpoet.com>
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > --
> > > > ~ SB =^..^=
> > > >
> > > > http://www.sbpoet.com
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
> > > "Patriotism is a virtue of the vicious." Oscar Wilde
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > ~ SB =^..^=
> >
> > http://www.sbpoet.com
> >
>
--
My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
"Patriotism is a virtue of the vicious." Oscar Wilde
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