> thank you all for your critiques on this piece. here is a revision, which i
> think is an improvement. i agree with andrew that it would be good to take
> the "I" from the first line, but can't see a way just yet:
A few attempt to help. Stephen V.
>
Stepped out from my house this morning,
> head crowded with voices from dreams,
> into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
> of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> of crows ... Why do we enter the future
with the past in our night pockets? Tree limbs
shaken with squirrel passions; goldfish
> drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> into pale water. At dusk the mountains
are scarved with mist.
Been reading often Kenneth Rexroth's translations, Love and The Turning
Year, 100 More Poems from the Chinese. Often quite astonishing stuff,
closely associated with what you are doing (I think). Past/ Present -
keeping each vector "present."
Stephen V
http://stephenvincent.net/blog/
>
>
>
> On 4/4/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> I stepped from my house this morning,
>> head crowded with voices from dreams,
>> into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
>> of waxwings and robins, a percussion
>> of crows ... Why do we enter the future
>> with the past in our night pockets? Trees
>> shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
>> drifted from the pond's dark bottom
>> up into pale water, reacquainting themselves
>> with the surface. The day passed slowly.
>> At dusk the mountains were scarved with mist.
>>
>> <http://www.sbpoet.com>
>
>
>
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