Doug, Janet and Patrick,
I hesitated over 'beneath' and Janet made me think about it some more. It
has an echo with 'neatened' and works in a way that my alternative 'below'
doesn't, I feel.
Patrick, the flagstones appeared exploded by the swift movement of shadow.
The current stones are modern and unbroken as the originals were destroyed
during the WW2 bombing. 'Flags' is also a reference to the flags of the
nations that went to war. There are other references too and I did work
very hard at packing a lot into the three lines - glad it was appreciated.
All altars are traditionally places for sacrifice and blood. There is a
weight of history there that I wanted to engage with.
Thank you all. I appreciate the comments and will be keeping this one.
Tina
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>From: Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: snap Bass: ALTAR
>Date: Thu, 5 Apr 2007 14:30:07 -0600
>
>I agree with Janet's first remark, but actually really liked the 'beneath',
>the stumble of which seems deliberate (into that destroyed space
>
>Doug
>On 4-Apr-07, at 10:03 PM, Janet Jackson wrote:
>
>>This is so cleverly dense. Just about every word has at least two
>>possible meanings. "Unbroken flag" is my favourite part.
>>
>>"Beneath" seems a weak word to end on. Taking it out spoils
>>the rhythm (although I'm not sure I like the rhythm anyway).
>>
>>hope this is of some use
>>
>>Janet
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