Janet
Reading it I'm expecting it to continue on longer, it's like its just
the beginning of a longer work and these are the first steps, there
is a warning of repetitions to come, but they don't quite follow,
the journey seems broken, diverted, and so it reads a bit like a
bullet list, and thus, stuck in this list, the word play seems a
little wrong rather than pleasantly unexpected and insightful. (e.g.
the [ir] and the gerunding of worldview), but then given the subject
matter this may well be appropriate too I guess
however, I am taken with the title and as I am working on a project
with a similar metaphor carrying me over some country, not
necessarily mine, I find that your voice here will be an influence on
that, so you might as well know that!
BTW I think this is my first comment not in verse, its a lot easier
submitting a poem than producing comment on verse
meika
http://meika.loofs-samorzewski.com
On 01/04/2007, at 19:50, Janet Jackson wrote:
> Written just now. Comments welcome.
>
>
> Run
>
> this is my dreaming, this is my songline,
> shelter, my waterhole,
> footprints, my sight
>
> this is my roadmap, these are my headlights,
> engine, my wheels,
> city, my bridge
>
> my method and training, my
> stout boots and greatcoat, my
> rations and rum, [ir]rational run, bayonet and gun
>
> this is my mob, this is my tribe,
> subcultured, my people,
> worldviewed, my gang
>
>
> Janet
> -------------------------------------------------------
> Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
> Poems at Proximity:
> http://www.proximity.webhop.net
>
> Our humanity is diminished when we have no mission
> bigger than ourselves.
> Bono
> -------------------------------------------------------
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