umm -- i don't know if this is still about my poem, but i assure you that i
do appreciate feedback, and did thank those that offered it. email is a poor
translator of intention, but i hope roger knows that my response to him was
in good humour.
On 4/9/07, MC Ward <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> "These people" are offering help (as they/we assume
> from the posted poems is what's wanted). Who can draw
> the line between more and less help? In any case, a
> polite thank you seems indicated.
>
> Candice
>
>
>
> --- Patrick Mc Manus <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
> > Roger These people who are cursed with wanting to
> > rewrite other peoples
> > snaps!!!!!! Ban them that's what I say :-)
> > Patrick de raynes park
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics
> > [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> > Behalf Of Roger Day
> > Sent: 08 April 2007 17:37
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> > Subject: Re: snapshot -- revision
> >
> > how about this?
> >
> > Stepping into the morning
> > waxwing symphonies and crow concertos
> > air shivering, air trembling
> > sandman cacophony crowding out the daylight
> > ... why do we enter the future
> > with the past in our deep night pockets
> >
> > although you may not want to go that far ...
> >
> > On 4/6/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > > thank you all for your critiques on this piece.
> > here is a revision, which
> > i
> > > think is an improvement. i agree with andrew that
> > it would be good to take
> > > the "I" from the first line, but can't see a way
> > just yet:
> > >
> > >
> > > I stepped from my house this morning,
> > > head crowded with voices from dreams,
> > > into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
> > > of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> > > of crows ... Why do we enter the future
> > > with the past in our night pockets? Trees
> > > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
> > > drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> > > into pale water. At dusk the mountains
> > > were scarved with mist.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > On 4/4/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]>
> > wrote:
> > > >
> > > > I stepped from my house this morning,
> > > > head crowded with voices from dreams,
> > > > into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
> > > > of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> > > > of crows ... Why do we enter the future
> > > > with the past in our night pockets? Trees
> > > > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
> > > > drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> > > > up into pale water, reacquainting themselves
> > > > with the surface. The day passed slowly.
> > > > At dusk the mountains were scarved with mist.
> > > >
> > > > <http://www.sbpoet.com>
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > ~ SB =^..^=
> > >
> > > http://www.sbpoet.com
> > >
> >
> >
> > --
> > My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
> > "Patriotism is a virtue of the vicious." Oscar Wilde
> >
>
>
>
>
>
> ____________________________________________________________________________________
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--
~ SB =^..^=
http://www.sbpoet.com
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