Lovely, Sharon
Judy
----- Original Message -----
From: "sharon brogan" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, April 06, 2007 2:44 PM
Subject: snapshot -- revision
> thank you all for your critiques on this piece. here is a revision, which
> i
> think is an improvement. i agree with andrew that it would be good to take
> the "I" from the first line, but can't see a way just yet:
>
>
> I stepped from my house this morning,
> head crowded with voices from dreams,
> into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
> of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> of crows ... Why do we enter the future
> with the past in our night pockets? Trees
> shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
> drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> into pale water. At dusk the mountains
> were scarved with mist.
>
>
>
> On 4/4/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> I stepped from my house this morning,
>> head crowded with voices from dreams,
>> into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
>> of waxwings and robins, a percussion
>> of crows ... Why do we enter the future
>> with the past in our night pockets? Trees
>> shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
>> drifted from the pond's dark bottom
>> up into pale water, reacquainting themselves
>> with the surface. The day passed slowly.
>> At dusk the mountains were scarved with mist.
>>
>> <http://www.sbpoet.com>
>
>
>
>
> --
> ~ SB =^..^=
>
> http://www.sbpoet.com
>
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