Dear Sally,
I don't usually comment on your work, as I don't feel you like getting 
negative comments, and if I'm workshopping a poem, I find I can only do it 
by trying to read a poem with the same eye I try to use on my own drafts.
Anyway, just ignore my comments if you don't agree with them, but my feeling 
about this is that it is a very good idea which could make an excellent poem 
but it isn't there yet.The idea is wasted by the execution, especially the 
weak ending. Have you googled for a list of pub names? There are some great 
ones, which might provide you with more ideas. Some are really 
strange--there's a pub near me called 'The Conjurer's Half-crown' which I 
couldn't resist using in a poem.You could use your ingenuity by fitting some 
of the odder ones into your story.

Take care,
Margaret
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, February 22, 2007 6:14 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] revised Pub scrawl


Pub scrawl

She was thrown out of THE CROFTER'S ARMS
because she said she could see THE RED LION
she was picked up by THE WAGON AND HORSES
fell off and was chased by the HARE AND HOUNDS
unfortunately she landed in THE BROOK
but luckily was rescued by THE FUSILIER
who took her directly to THE MAJOR
he put her on THE OLD DUN HORSE
and told her to go to GRANT'S ARMS
instead she went to ROSTRON'S ARMS
who said he didn't serve THE HORSE AND JOCKEY
so she went on THE COACH AND HORSES
to THE CONSERVATIVE CLUB.

Sally James

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