Sally J,

I was about to put some punctuation in, but held back because it's a matter 
of taste. I can get the feeling of this poem, which is a good start, but I 
wonder in places if the link between images and metaphor is a little 
tenuous. In S1 I'm least happy with the last two lines, because they 
attenuate the fairly sustained bleakness that comes before. No reason why it 
can't change mood, just as S2 does, but coming at the end of a list of four 
with a sustained theme its puzzling.

As green as April in a poem about February is a bit too clever for me. The 
thing that makes it green is the same thing that makes April green (?), or 
used to before climate change. I've decided that I quite like the last part 
of S2, in the end. If I step back from it I can see how it resolves the 
poem.


BW

Colin


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, February 16, 2007 11:09 AM
Subject: February


> February
>
> Just one poem written this month
> sadness draws me to write another one
> about this rainy day
> this blank white sheet of a sky
> the sloping grey of  a slate roof
> and washing line glittering
> raindrops like a necklace.
>
> In the earth I see shoots
> as green as April
> proud upright strong
> with a hint of yellow
> reaching for the sun
> and the page in the sky
> turns a new leaf.
>
> sally james
>
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