Dear Bob,
I'm piggybacking on Matt's comments as I didn't get the original post. I
like this too--esp. the idea of trundling out on the last tram. The only
thing--I wondered if in places the 'we' wouldn't be better replaced
by 'I'--as it seems to me there are distinctly personal insights in the
poem, that aren't the common property of 'we'. I'd be more inclined to
stress this, rather than gloss over it.
Goodness, that 'we' can be as 'problematic as 'you'...
Take care,
Margaret
----- Original Message -----
From: "Matt Merritt" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, January 15, 2007 2:02 PM
Subject: Re: [THE-WORKS] New Year's Eve
Hi Bob,
Nothing to quibble with here. It IS very dark, but I think it works well.
Regards,
Matt
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New Year's Eve
>Date: Sun, 7 Jan 2007 22:58:30 +0000
>
>Hi friendly ghosts!
>Any and all comments welcome!
>(writes Bob, who doesn't feel as dark as the poem)
>
>New Year's Eve, Námestí Míru Square
>
>The sun is sloping past chimneys, before it slides out
>just as we will do, a last gasp leaving our bodies
>when we lose the light. That's how it has to be.
>We know that, as cars drift past the tram stop.
>We watch them, their brake-lights like fierce flowers
>that are afraid of neither the light nor the dark.
>
>We glow too, as faint as the moon that will come
>and count every still person, note all that passes,
>shine on the roof of the tram we're all looking for -
>that is probably overcrowded, trundling in its own time -
>which we will board, our faces gleaming, embalmed
>and silent, while so much outside, and within us, is dark.
>
>Bob Cooper
>
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