effective structure, the rhyming is subtle & the last line of each
stanza well-executed metrically. I don't see why the third stanza
breaks this; the poem doesn't end quite as well as it might. "said /
bed / dead" is horrible. and the loneliness should be implied, not
blurted out (I'm not even sure how loneliness factors in, though that
could just be me).
the first two stanzas are good stuff, basic but chilling. like some
nursery rhymes.
KS
On 22/02/07, Laura Heidy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Before the Coroner Comes
>
> (more notes from the back of the ambulance)
>
> This boy is dead and I won't think
> of my own sons. Instead, I'll blink
> and ponder on the mundane things, like why
> death comes at change of shift and look how far
> fresh blood can roam.
>
> I hate the sight of bone-white chalk
> the scent of death, the hum of talk.
> This boy is dead - and these are things I know.
> I know just where and how some children die.
> They die at home.
>
> "How can this be?" his mother said.
> "I left him sleeping, safe in bed."
> I hold her back - her son is dead.
> My boys are home. This is how love leaves us -
> each alone.
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