this is very entertaining, & the insight it offers is mild enough to not
cause a ruckus in the narration but still available & interesting enough to
work. religious legend (represented almost manically) vs. scientific status
description (represented coolly, as something beautiful but boring but '
calming'). fun poke too, centerting on the moon Titan (because these gods
presented [are they native american?] have counterparts in antiquity). the
capitalisation is apt, it becomes both frighteningly loud & a little
comical. the language you've used is just prosaic enough in a descriptive,
regular way to afford the narrator's POV, while there are poetic turns of
phase sprinkled very sparsely.
it's a great poem, to put it simply; immensely enjoyed!
KS
On 08/01/07, Frederick Pollack <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Tlaloc and the Tiger
>
>
> Prehistory knew
> the most important rooms are in the clouds.
> Like this arena/storage-locker filling
> with armor, shrapnel, skulls produced
> not by the symbolic, endless,
> necessary pain occurring here
> but by collateral conflicts, real, less real.
> Two agonists trample
> the junk. One is Tlaloc,
> once lord of rain and drought,
> bright turquoise with red stubby fangs.
> Children were drowned for him,
> washed down with bowls of their collected tears
> (their souls, of course, admitted
> to the eternal spring of Tlalocan).
> He wields the traditional, stylized,
> three-tiered obsidian club. His opponent
> the Tiger wears (it's only fair)
> the skin of a man; his weapon
> is metal. They feint, weave,
> spit, kick, pant, swing,
> leap back, well-muscled from eternal war.
> The rear wall
> seems also to be missing from this image,
> and the vast clouds roll
> statically by in their eternal way.
> As they fight, the two principles
> roar and, perhaps, converse:
> I HAVE BEEN DEBASED, yells Tlaloc.
> I WAS AN INNOCENTLY HUNGRY GOD.
> BUT NOW, BECAUSE OF MY MONSTROUS BLUE
> AND SOMEWHAT POPEYED VISAGE,
> I SIGNIFY THE WORLD-SYSTEM
> THAT DESSICATES AND LIQUEFIES
> RATIONALLY YET THOUGHTLESSLY.
> And Tiger, evading
> a deadly silicate edge, cries I
> WHO WAS NATURE DISTINCT FROM MIND
> AND AS SUCH DID NOT FEEL
> ANYTHING, AM FORCED
> TO REPRESENT SOME NEBULOUS GOOD
> FOR WHICH PERPLEXED I FIGHT WITH STEEL.
> They agree they both kill;
> that isn't the issue, or the value,
> if any, at issue. They try
> to kill each other because they kill,
> and even hate each other, but only,
> as it were, professionally. On Titan
> the clouds are of methane.
> Two levels: crystals above,
> a damper layer bombing
> the mud (– 300° F)
> with drizzle, two inches per year.
> I find this languid vision somehow calming.
>
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